It’s not enough to love someone in ministry, you also have to like them, as we discussed last week. And this is especially true in order to relevantly communicate with them – to listen as well as speak. So where do we start? “Start with what they know,” says the old Chinese proverb. In order to do that, we must first relevantly communicate to learn what they already know.

Relevant communication is more than simply writing blogs, gathering facts, sending emails or even going on Facebook. In our technological world, we’re consumed with data, but if our total communication is reduced to data, it is far from adequate. Even in this age of social media, there is no substitute for face-to-face interaction.

A doctor friend of mine once joked about how she and a colleague, in a chance face-to-face meeting in the hallway, had easily worked out a communication issue that their many weekly emails had been unable to solve. “Aha! Talking eyeball to eyeball! What a novel idea!” She found it so effective that she increased her face-to-face interactions with others, whether over brief chats or longer meetings, and finds that she is getting a lot more done now!

Another way of looking at relevant communication is what has been termed, “management by walking around.” Doug used to do this when he was Executive Director at EGC. He’d come into the office every morning and stop by every person’s desk, just to share a few jokes and touch base, not to be intrusive, but just “hanging out.” This brief communication actually helped nip a lot of problems in the bud, and set a beginning pattern for open, honest communication that many have built upon and which continues in greater depth today.

In face-to-face communication, we notice a person’s eyes, mannerisms, body language – all of which contribute beyond our words to true understanding. There is a whole living context, a complex chemistry around each person, and when we successfully enter that arena, there are times when no words need be said. If we are to truly connect with other persons, we must take their whole reality into account, and at the same time, remain aware of what we are really projecting and what they are really receiving, and vice versa.

The goal of relevant communication goes beyond face-to-face communication to congruency – that what you think you are saying is what the other person is actually understanding you to be saying; and that what you are hearing is what the other person is really intending to say. This is a high goal, and it may not always be easy to assess whether or not it is really happening. Nor does it get any easier as we get older, because we tend to become more focused and miss each other’s cues more easily.

It’s always great to meet someone who shares our ideas, hopes and dreams; it can be easier to communicate with someone who agrees with us. But can we relevantly communicate with a person whose ideas are radically different from our own? Can we have the maturity to set aside our own ideas and listen to the other person, really trying to understand their view? And at the same time, have the fortitude to clearly explain our own view by patiently communicating it in such a way that the other person will be able to receive it? This is dialogue at its highest level!